Moving on with life. (When her daughter had lost hers)

Life goes on.
That’s what they say.
And they are right.
Life does go on,
Never as it did before.
She went back to work.
She was kind to people.
She spent time with my kids.
Spent time with my kids.
But, Inevitably, we separated.
She was grieving.
She had lost her child.
I had two healthy children to love.
Somewhere deep down inside,
I felt some relief.
All the worries,
The stress,
The advocating,
Were over.
The emergencies,
That shot me,
Out of my life,
And into hers,
In a millisecond,
Were gone.
Her voice,
Her twinkly blue eyes,
Her devilish grin,
Her soft skin…
She was gone.
Oh, I missed that sweet child.
While she mourned,
I was able to heal,
In the love and health,
Of my two children.
While I mourned,
She was without child.
We were separated further.
I tried not to have any expectations.
I wanted her,
To be able to mourn,
As it came to her.
I silently monitored,
Her emotional health.
I watched for any signs,
Indicating she was not coping.
Allowing her this space
Kept us apart.
The following Christmas
We spent apart.
We had never been apart
For Christmas.
She needed to
Avoid tradition.
She felt,
The external world’s,
Expectations of her.
Strangers even,
Have set standards,
For people in mourning.
Show emotion 
Fail.  You are weak.
Don’t show emotion.
Fail.  You are in denial.
Laugh.  Make jokes.  Move on.
Fail.  (They are uncomfortable.)
Of course, 
None of these people,
Who judge,
Are ever the people,
Who are present,
Who provide support.  

She started taking college courses at night school.
She let her employer know she wished to advance.
She applied for positions internally.
She volunteered at her workplace.
I was incredibly proud of my sister.
She had a hole in her heart
That would never be filled again.
She was determined,
To move on,
To have a life.
A different life, albeit,
A functional,
rewarding life,
All the same.

About inevertoldher

I love my kids, my husband, my four cats and my sister...not necessarily in that order. Writing, singing (poorly but loudly) and laughing keep me happy. When I eat well, exercise and post daily...I am at my best.
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