Now I was pregnant…

Image

No one,

Was more excited,

About my pregnancy. 

She wanted a billboard hired,

I was still blushing and secretive. 

I was scared,

From the beginning.

She knew,

I was worried.

She knew,

I understood the genetics. 

Still,

She was positive.

For me.

Not once,

Did I see,

A shadow of doubt,

Cross her face. 

 

My internal,

Silent reality…

Have a baby,

As sick as hers,

Or have a healthy baby,

Who lives,

While hers dies. 

It was overwhelming.

 

As I watched,

Her babe sleep,

My heart contracted. 

I rubbed my unborn child,

My thoughts swirled. 

I was torn.

I was emotional.

 

 

How could I love,

This life inside of me,

As much,

As I loved her baby?

 

She was sound asleep,

Post-op,

From surgery. 

 

I rubbed my unborn child,

My thoughts,

Continued to swirl.

 

No baby should have to be sick.  

No baby should have to feel pain.

No baby should have to live this way.

 

I rubbed my unborn child…

The tears,

Began to flow.

 

I started to pray.

I am not sure,

I had ever, really prayed before.

 

I prayed for my unborn child to be blessed with health. 

I prayed the geneticist wouldn’t find a common gene. 

I prayed my child would not be her child. 

I prayed my weakness was understood. 

 

I knew,

I didn’t have her strength.

 

It was torturous…

I was praying my child,

Not be the child,

I could see in front of me…

The child,

I loved as if she were my own,

The child,

Who may not leave this hospital. 

 

I was overcome,

With guilt and sorrow. 

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About inevertoldher

I love my kids, my husband, my four cats and my sister...not necessarily in that order. Writing, singing (poorly but loudly) and laughing keep me happy. When I eat well, exercise and post daily...I am at my best.
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