Celebrating Dad’s 80th birthday without him.

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Tomorrow he will be eighty years old.
When a parent grows old,
You realise you have too.
Relationships,
Change with time.
That’s life.
Sometimes,
Time evolves,
And relationships,
Roll with the changes.
Sometimes
They don’t.
In order to spend time,
With Dad,
I would go to bed early,
And wake early,
As he did.
Dad was always busy.
Chores were his hobby.
When he wasn’t
Working for income,
He was working,
Around the house.
Lawn care,
Garden care,
Car cleaning,
Window cleaning,
I would help him.
I knew he liked that.
He taught me a lot.
He was fussy,
And he taught me,
Doing a job well,
Was doing it right,
And thoroughly.
Dad was not,
Big on words,
But I always knew,
He was proud of me,
And that he loved me.
I loved making him laugh,
I loved seeing him have fun,
He was good sport,
He was always up for anything,
He would dance,
And socialize,
And be a good host,
But,
He was weak.
He was insecure.
And he
Resorted to anger,
When he felt scared.
He was hurt,
So he was defensive.
Anger being the emotion,
Easiest to demonstrate.
He left us.
He couldn’t do it.
He lived in guilt,
Created in his own,
Fear.
He chose to move on,
Without us.
I miss him.
The fun, easy going him,
But, not the angry version.
And so,
We live apart.
We will not celebrate,
This milestone together.
And it makes me sad.
Because,
Never once in my childhood,
Did I consider my future,
To be
Without parents.
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About inevertoldher

I love my kids, my husband, my four cats and my sister...not necessarily in that order. Writing, singing (poorly but loudly) and laughing keep me happy. When I eat well, exercise and post daily...I am at my best.
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